The Cycle Begins Again

Got hit with news that I can't really say is a suprise, but is just as depressing nonetheless. I feel sick to my stomache. Psychological abuse is a very real thing, Emotional abuse is a real thing. You lift these people up you call parents, and expect them to hold the values that they raised you with. And then at some point you start to see their flaws and morals as humans, and it is heartbreaking. I've done everything for you humanly possible to try and make you realize that you are an individual, that you have self worth, that you have independance. That you dont have to live you life scared, in a bubble, abused. I provide a safe haven, where you can live free of paranoia, drugs, and accusations. But you couldnt resist the devil. Instead of being the stong person I always hoped you where, and walking the tough road to freedom, you slipped back into the easy path of slavery.

I really really hope the best for you guys, but its time for me to get off the rollercoaster. Its time I let go of the problems that you guys dont want to fix, and start working on my family. I was hoping you wanted to be apart of that, but I was wrong. Today the cycle begins again...

These are the Breaks

This song perfectly describes how I feel today. Had a pretty bad string of events happen yesterday, and they have sort of bled over into today. Theoretically I should be in a bad mood, but I'm not really. I'm kind of in a state where the events of yesterday are so stupid and minimalistic as opposed to the grand scheme of the terrible year I've had, I'm over it and ready to forgive. I did and said things that I shouldn't have, but really everything I did was consciously reactionary to what was being done to me. At any point I know I could have fixed the problem or walked away from the argument, but I didn't. I didn't want to. The start of the conflict was over something so minor, and ridiculous I wanted to see just exactly how far the other person would take it, and at the end of it all I was truly surprised with how far it went. I've decided that I will only apologize for yesterdays events when apologized to. Time for other people around me to take responsibility for their actions. For once I didn't keep the cool head and just flowed with the insanity. I blew off a lot of steam yesterday, although it was directed at the wrong person, I felt lighter than air yesterday. So.. yeah.. whatever... These are the Breaks...