So much Going on...

Wow, intense day today. Started off pretty tired, had our Engineering Christmas Party last night, and an EMF Fun and Food day. With all the excitment It tricked me into thinking it was a Friday so going to work today was very very hard.

Today is a huge day for my mom and all I am doing is thinking about her negotiations and praying that they go the right way. So I know she is stressed out and I just really want to be there for her.

Had a crazy work week this week and last week. Learned a lot, built two radio stations... I am only a few days away from picking up a huge new responsibility. I feel pretty prepared but I am just nervous and want things to transition smoothley.

Had a Dr. Apt today. The last week I havent told anyone but I felt like I had a very slight hearing loss on my left ear, and given an issue my uncle went through recently I was stressing a little bit. Turns out it is a bilateral ear infection. Just a minor ear infection that normally clears itself up. But I am now on antibiotics for 5 days.

I really have to start editing a wedding video I shot a few weeks back.

Just the thought of my dad fills me with such a blind rage, I really feel hatred for him in my heart.

I am praying for my Uncle Jake that his Bells Palsy heals right, and that he will not be burdened too much financially by going to the Dr.

And with all of that stuff circiling around in my head I am so saddened by the school massacre in Connecticut. Any human being that could murder a child truly deserves an eternity of pain and suffering. My most sincere apologies and condolences go out to the family members of those affected.

A Social Experiment Failed

Sad that it has come to a blog post but here I am. Recently I've been into a game called minecraft. I started it up with some friends in real life and we joined this open world player vs player server. For the first few weeks everything was perfect. We started building a base together havested resources together. There was minor toe stepping but nothing major. Then stuff got real, we all started donating money to the server to help the owners and get cool perks. Enemies started popping up and talking major crap, I started talking major crap too. I should of been more mature about it because I made myself look like a jackass. But when the game changed for me was when one of my friends, I felt betrayed the group by separating himself from us and befriended the guys that I was having confrentations with. We all kept saying it was just a game but at that point for me I think I stopped caring about consequence. I couldn't understand why all this was happening and thought his neutrality was just cowardice. So I enlisted the help of another real life friend who shared my vision of destruction and also felt betrayed by the original guy and he blew up one of his stores.

Things only snowballed from there... and essentially I committed some heinous acts of terrorism on the server by breaking the third wall and exploiting any and all glitches possible to help me meet my goal. I was blinded by my rage and feelings of betrayal. I wasn't thinking straight and didn't like how much time I spent thinking about that game, and the monster I felt I was becoming.

I quit the server for barley a week, I couldn't kick the itch to get back on. I felt like things had cooled down and that I could make a comeback and play things right. I failed within like two days of being back I again broke the third wall and convinced another player to let me use his account to rob/grief a member of my original crew. I felt bad because this other player was playing an honest game and I think he only let me use his account not understanding exactly what I was doing.

I knew truly what I was doing was wrong no excuses. I knew it would be frowned upon and I went out of my way to be deceitful about it.

I failed this Minecraft social experiment. I lied, cheated, stole, exploited and forced myself to quit, then came back and did it again. In the end I got what I deserved in game and out. I probably lost a pretty good friend. I know I handled things uncharacteristically bad. I learned a lot about myself. When I feel betrayed or wronged given the opportunity I will attempt to "get even" by any means necessary no matter what the cost, even in something as petty as a video game. I was willing to set my morals aside and risk friendships because I didn't want to be made the fool, and in the end I was made the biggest fool.

My wish is that the people in the game could forgive me of all the stuff I did, and all the lies. I totally don't expect that to happen, I'm pretty sure I burnt some major bridges over this crap. I dont want to look at minecraft, talk about minecraft, hear about minecraft. I just want this phase to be over. Luckily in a few weeks I will move on to a new job and hopefully not have time to play this game or worry about this stuff anymore.


Apology to Gosu: Dude I'm sorry. I've done so much to mess with you in this game and at one point even insulted you personally. You have still given me the respect and benefit of the doubt I didn't deserve. Thank you for that.